Adventures of Motherhood

I am a harried mother of three kids who move at light speed and a husband who lives in a world of words. If that isn't enough, I teach in an elementary school as I slowly watch my hair turn gray.

Friday, July 21, 2006


We have so many friends and family living and visiting Israel right now.... watching the news each night fills me with worry and anger.

I know you can understand the worry...but the anger? I am angry with the one sided reporting. Carmi tells me each night to calm down...nothing is going to change.

The news on TV and our local paper are filled with the plight of the Lebanese people. Don't get me wrong...I feel for them as well. I know this sounds trite, but their "leaders" set them up to be martyrs. Why else would they infiltrate civilian areas and deliberately put the citizen at risk? You don't hear about the Israeli people. Missiles are hitting their country as well.

The Israeli people want to live in their country in peace. They are surrounded by enemies who want to remove them and all Jewish people from existence.

A friend of mine sent me this in an email. Read it and tell me what you think.

From: The Jews: a.k.a. The Chosen People
To: The Lord G-d Almighty a.k.a. Ha'shem, Shadai, Elohim, etc.
Subject: Termination of Contract/Special Status (Chosen People)

As you are aware, the contract made between you and Abraham is up for renewal, and this memorandum is to advise you that after, yea, those many millennia of consideration, we, the Jews (The Chosen People) have decided that we really do not wish to renew.

We should point out immediately that there is nothing in writing, and, contrary to popular beliefs, we (The Jews) have not really benefited too much from this arrangement. If you go back to the early years of our arrangement, it definitely started off on the wrong footing. Not only was Israel and Judea invaded almost every year, but we also went to enormous expense to erect not one but two Temples, and they were both destroyed.

All we have left is a pile of old stones called the Western Wall (of course you know all this, but we feel it's a good thing to account for all the reasons we wish to terminate the contract). After the Hittites, Assyrians, Goliaths, etc, not only were we beaten up almost daily, but then we were sold off as slaves to Egypt of all countries, and really lost a few hundred years of development.

Now we realize that you went to a great deal of trouble to send Moses to lead us out of Egypt, and those poor Egyptian buggers were smitten (smote?) with all those plagues. But, reflecting on those years, we are at a loss to understand why it took almost forty years to make a trip that El Al now does in 75 minutes. Also, while not appearing to be ungrateful, for years a lot of people have asked why Moses led us left instead of right at Sinai? If we had gone right, we would have had the oil!

OK, so the oil was not part of the deal, but then the Romans came and we really were up to our necks in dreck. While it's true that the Romans did give us water fit to drink, aqueducts, and baths, it was very disconcerting to walk down one of the vias, look up, and see one of your friends or family nailed to a three-by-four looking for all the world like a sign post. Even one of our princes, Judah Ben Hur got caught up with Roman stuff and drove like a crazy man around the Coliseum. It's a funny thing but many people swore that Ben Hur had an uncanny resemblance to Moses...go figure.

Then, of all things, one of our rabbis (teachers) declared himself "Son of You" (there was nothing said about this with Abe) and before we knew what was what, a whole new religion sprang up. To add insult to injury, we were dispersed all over the world two or three times while this new religion really caught on! We were truly sorry to hear that the Romans executed him like so many others, but, ...alas, (and this will make you laugh,) once again WE were blamed. Now here's something we really don't understand. That our rabbi really came into his own. Millions of people revered and worshipped his name and scriptures. ..... and still killed us by the millions.

They claimed we drank the blood of new born infants, and controlled the world banks (Oy! if only that were so.) We could have bought them all off, and operated the worlds' media and so on and so on. Are we beginning to make our point here?

OK so let's fast-forward a few hundred years to the Crusades. Hoo boy! Again we were caught in the middle! They, the Lords and Knights, came from all over Europe to smack the Arabs and open up the holy places, but before we knew what hit us, they were killing us right, left, and center along with everyone else. Every time a king or a pope was down in the opinion polls, they called a crusade or holy war, and went on a killing rampage in our land.

Today it's called Jihad. OK, so you tested us a little there, but then some bright cleric in Spain came up with the Inquisition. We all thought it was a new game show, but once again we and, we must admit, quite a few others were used as firewood for a whole new street lighting arrangement in major Spanish cities.

All right, so that ended after about a hundred years or so... in the scheme of things not a long time. But every time we settled down in one country or another, they kicked us out! So we wandered around a few hundred years or so, but it never changed. Finally we settled in a few countries but they insisted we all live in Westchester's of Moscow for us. There we are in the ghettoes, when what do you know?

The Russians come up with the Pogroms. We all thought they made a spelling mistake and misspelled programs, but we were dead wrong (no pun intended). Apparently, when there was nothing else for them to do, killing the Jews (a.k.a. The Chosen People, are you getting our drift?) was the in thing.

Now comes some really tough noogies. We were doing quite well, thank you, in a small European country called Germany, when some house painter wrote a book, said a few things that caught on and became their leader....whoo boy what a bad day that was for know... your Chosen People.

We don't really know where you were in the earth years 1940 to 1945. We know everyone needs a break now and then.....even Lord G-d Almighty needs some time off. But really...when we needed you most, you were never around.
You are probably aware of this, but if you have forgotten, over six million of your Chosen People, along with quite a few unchosen others were murdered. They even made lampshades out of our skins. Look, we don't want to dwell on the past, but it gets worse!

Here we are, it's 1948, and millions of us are displaced yet again, when you really pull a fast one. We finally get our own land back! Yes!!!

After all these years, you arrange for us to go back... then all the Arab countries immediately declare war on us. We have to tell you that sometimes your sense of humor really eludes us. Ok, so we win all the wars, but it's now 2006 and nothing's changed. We keep getting blown up, hijacked, and kidnapped. We have no peace whatsoever. Enough is enough.

So, we hope that you understand that nothing's forever (except you of course) and we respectfully would like to pull out of our verbal agreement vis-à-vis being your chosen people.

Look, sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't. Let's be friends over the next few eons and see what happens. How about this? We're sure you recall that Abraham had a whole other family from Ishmael (the ones who got the oil). How about making them your chosen people for a few thousand years?


The Committee To Be UN-Chosen


At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope your friends and family remain safe! I'm here from Michele's. Take care.

At 1:59 PM, Blogger sage said...

I too hope your friends and family are safe. It's tragic, on all sides, Israel's and the Palestian's and the Lebonese. suffering greatly. And so many people with no hope which inflames the situation for when you have nothing to lose, you are willing to do desperate things.

Here from Michele's.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Sarie said...

My soon-to-be-ex-husband has family in Haifa.

I have family down in the Tel Aviv area (who doesn't who has family there, eh?)

Here via Michele's this time.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger November Rain said...

I hope your family and friends are going to be okay

here via michelle

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Prego said...

That was an amusing memo. Your peeps HAVE had it rough, historically, to say the least.

Tell Carmi that Prego says they should have out with soccer balls instead.

My best to your friends and family and everyone else's everywhere as well.


At 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everything about this makes me sad. Not for the terrorists but for the "you's and me's" of the mideast. I feel so very heartbroken over this and I'm not of any mideastern ancestry nor am I Jewish. I do hope there's a peaceful end and soon and that your friends and family will be safe. I wish all terrorists would just evaporate. Here from Michele.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

Yeah, that's why I don't watch the news.

I do my best as an individual to spread as much peace as I can. Do my best to guide my children.. and hope that someone "pays it forward"

At 11:44 PM, Blogger The Flamingess said...

Good luck with the petition to be "unchosen". Be in chosen is definitely not a good gig and handing it off to the ones who got the oil, with all the historical perks, would be a nice turn around (in a twisted sort of way - but isn't it someone else's turn, and who better).

Hi from Michele's

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Twist of Kate said...

Oh my, you are Carmi's nice to meet you. I have visited his site a time or two.

I hate hearing about all of the conflicts all over the world, I like my place in denial. I just wish peace for all.

I just wanted to stop by and say thanks for visiting my site.

At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Historical events of the past can differ, depending on where they come from and whose ox is being gored.

What I see today are the American and Canadian governments, both of whom are corrupt to the core, backing the Zionist movement.

I, for one, will not be patriotic to my own government or any other political party or offshoot whose belief is that violence and terror are essential for peace and prosperity, and that the death of soldiers and innocent civilians is merely collateral damage.

Instead of taking sides, better to unite with the common belief that we're all falling under the heavy hand of (in George Bush's words) 'The New World Order'.


Post a Comment

<< Home